please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
