Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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