I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
