I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
