I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
