I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
