My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
