there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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