Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
