Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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