we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
