Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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