I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
