Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
