At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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