Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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