your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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