I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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