You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My ass is underappreciated
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
