What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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