You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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