Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
