lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Small penises have feelings too.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
