i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
