good thing vaginas are great cup holders
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
