i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My bed smells like the plague
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
