I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
