Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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