Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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