my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
