she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
