Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
