JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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