i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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