Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
