He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
