Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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