I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
