Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
