How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
