Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
God gave him joint rollers for hands
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
