If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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