his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I wish there were birth control emojis
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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