So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
