just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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