I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
