Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
