is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
