It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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