The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
