I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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