Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
