dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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