Umm I'm too high to move.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
