I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
